Category: About the team

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Lots of news!

I have lots of lovely news to share right now, and I’m really excited about where Mother’s Milk Books is going!

It gives me great pleasure to announce that the next book we’re going to publish is a poetry collection entitled Look At All The Women by Cathy Bryant. I’ve long been a fan of Cathy’s poetry so I’m really pleased that I get to be the publisher who produces her second book of poetry. Cathy is also an accomplished performance poet, and also happens to be a lovely (and very funny) lady so it’s been great to work with her on this collection.

One of my favourite areas of book production is cover design. I can’t quite reveal the cover of Look At All The Women, but I can say that I’ve been working with an amazing mama-artist who has created something simply stunning. We’ll be revealing the final design very soon!

Reviews for Musings and Mothering and Letting Go, by Angela Topping, keep on coming in with Saffia Farr, editor of Juno, recently writing:

“Letting Go is a wonderful anthology of poems reflecting on family life through the generations. They are funny, perceptive and sad. ‘Last Gifts’, about a mother dying, is desperately poignant, with strong emotions portrayed through simple words and phrases. Reading this book reminded me, again, to treasure and enjoy my family as they are now.”

Musings on Mothering continues to get glowing reviews (with 8 out of 10 reviews being ‘5 starred’ on Amazon.co.uk). Lucy Pearce from Dreaming Aloud also recently reviewed the book saying:

“This book is a celebration of motherhood, attachment parenting and breastfeeding. An impressive collection of writing, poetry and art on the theme of motherhood. The talent of the contributors was humbling, and much of the poetry and art truly breathtaking, each expressing in their own unique way the ineffable nature of motherhood. Sensitive, reflective and beautifully compiled – it brought me to tears many times.”

You can read her full review here (which also includes reviews of lots of other wonderful books on mothering).

I also had Diane Wiessinger, co-author of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, contact me recently to say some very complimentary things about Musings on Mothering (which makes me grin from ear to ear since Diane is one of my favourite writers, and of course The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is one of my favourite books!).

It’s incredibly heartening to be getting these fab reviews, so I hope they encourage you to stop over at a certain store… (that’s The Mother’s Milk Bookshop, by the way (!) where these books are currently on offer) or to visit any one of our fab stockists.

In addition to all this loveliness I’ve been interviewed twice in the past month: over at WriteWords (which is chock-full of useful resources and encouraging words for writers – if you’re an aspiring writer go check them out!) and: Beautiful Misbehaviour. I was delighted to have been asked by Stephanie Arsoska of Beautiful Misbehaviour to take part in her series of interviews on ‘creativity and motherhood’ (other interviewees have been author Carolyn Jess-Cooke and Holly McNish –  so I’m in good company!) and you can read the full interview here.

I’ve been inundated with many great submissions so far (the fairy tale book is almost full now – although there’s still time to submit a short story if you think you have something suitable) and I really hope to be able to make 2014 the year that I publish more than one book! It’s all very exciting, and if you want to be a part of it, do keep tuning in to the blog or say hello on Facebook or Twitter. Thank you again for all your support.

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If I could have just one room…

I was recently tagged by the talented and lovely Georgie St Clair over at Visual Toast with the question “If you could have just one room what would be in it?”. This was the prompt put forth by Jocelyn from The Reading Residence and it somehow made its roundabout way to me.

It’s an interesting question and one that’s been on my mind a lot recently.

Since starting up Mother’s Milk Books our house has been overwhelmed by boxes of books, cards and prints, as well as boxes of packaging. I kind of like the ‘literary/bohemian cluttered look’ (that’s me putting a spin on untidiness) but since I’ve begun to dabble in a little art (again, inspired by all the wonderful mama artists that I’ve met through editing Musings on Mothering) I’ve realized how wonderful it would be to have an extra room – and one all to myself – for my own creative pursuits.

I’ve seen lots of images of beautiful rooms with gorgeous colour schemes and stylish items within – there were some stunning ones over at Gina’s blog Cold Tea and Smelly Nappies. I don’t think I could do justice to those pictures so when I thought about the complete basics, I decided that all I really want is this:

A White Room (and yes, straight lines at the same angle seem to be a skill I have yet to master!)

I would simply appreciate a clean, white space with plenty of wall space to hang my daughter’s art, my son’s art, my husband’s art, my own art, the art of those painters and artists that I admire. There would be mama art, breastfeeding art, landscapes, flowers, fantastical art, abstracts, all sorts. There would also be a table – any kind of table – and some shelves to store art materials so that I could do a little painting of my own. A kettle and a stash of snacks would come in useful too.

As to where it would be, well, who knows? Maybe way up high in the trees, invisible from the rest of the world so that I could get lost in painting…

A Hint Of Reality From Invisibility (c) 2012 Treehotel AB
(Yes, there is a mirror house in those trees!)

Thank you Georgie for thinking of me, and asking me the question. I put it forth to all of you: “If you could have just one room what would be in it?” and will tag these folk for whom I know an extra room for artistic craftiness would be much appreciated.

Pippa @StoryofMum   Website: Story of Mum

Agata Lawrynczyk from Agatas Art Corner

Amy Hood @amyhoodarts   Blog: Amy Hood Arts

Julia at Be Creative Daily

and Hatti @ParentTribe   Website: Parent Tribe

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Looking back at the 2013 LLLGB Conference

I like the idea of getting dressed up smartly and then going to publishing events, launches, conferences etc. to mix and mingle with the aim of letting the world know about the books and cards I’m producing and selling. The reality though is far different…

There are oh-so-many things to consider now that I am a parent: a breastfeeding little one who, although completely happy with his grandma, likes to check in with his mama from time to time for milk and cuddles; school drop-off and pick-up times for my big girl; a suitable child’s car seat for my mum’s car; enough refreshments, nappies and entertainment to last the day; and the practicality of lugging boxes of heavy books around when trying to hold my little one’s hand AND cross a busy road safely!

So at present ‘events’ don’t fit in easily with family life.

But the annual La Leche League GB conference is, for me, the one big annual event, and I start to think about this months in advance.

Why is this then?

As many of you know, LLL is a charity close to my heart, and their events are, of course, completely child-friendly and mama-friendly. So my little one, grandma in tow, came and went as he pleased – completely fascinated by going up and down the hotel lifts and then exploring the many corridors, then it was back to my stall…

When we had a nappy leak, a friendly mama offered baby wipes which I didn’t have to hand, and my friend, LLL Leader Lois Rowlands (who is also the creator of the image on Letting Go) carried boxes with me and then helped me to find a trolley to transport the rest.

At the end of the second day of the conference my little boy, completely exhausted from all the hotel exploring and excitement fell asleep nursing just as I had to pack away my stall and send my mum off to get her car out of the expensive car park, seconds ticking away… I hadn’t brought a sling with me or anything so knew I would have to ask someone for babysitting help. A friendly Leader offered to sit with both my little ones as I packed up the stall and then ran up and down stairs carrying half-empty boxes, my mum in her car waiting outside.

That’s what I love most about LLL – if you need a hand, a little support when you really could do with some then they are there for you. So this conference will continue to be in my events diary for the foreseeable future. 🙂

And by the way, the mixing and mingling was fun, and it was lovely to hear so many positive comments about my books, cards and prints. I am though looking forward to a rather quieter weekend this weekend… 😉

My daughter’s salt dough decorations – she’s a budding entrepreneur too!
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Motherhood and Identity: ‘I am big with wonder’

I’m delighted to be taking part in the Story of Mum virtual tour on the theme of motherhood and identity. Here is what I came up with… Enjoy!

Motherhood and Identity

by Teika Bellamy Oh, where to start?

I think I could probably write a whole book on ‘motherhood and identity’, but this being a blog post where I don’t want to bore your socks off, I will keep it short (well, I’ll try!).

What motherhood and identity means to each individual mother will be unique to that woman, and what I love about Story of Mum is that it has inspired so many mothers to reflect on this:

‘I’m a mum and a ___________ ’

and to then add her own words to that fragment to make the sentence whole, and unique to her.

I added my own words to that a while back, and you can read about it here in ‘I’m a mum and a book birther.’

I’m about to birth another book soon, so of course I’m still a book birther, but when I gave it more thought, I realized that although ‘birther’ is a noun, it is really perceived to be more about ‘doing something’ (in physical terms) rather than metaphysical terms.

So much of mothering, and identity, is about what we DO. Yet that really only is the tip of the iceberg. All too often a mother’s busyness is mistaken for an inactive, passive mind. And yet there might actually be a huge amount of thinking and reflecting going on in those little grey cells of hers…

I’ve been reading the ‘I’m a mum and a ___________’ articles with great interest; each mother’s complete sentence holds its own fascinating story, but for this post I was inspired by the following words and image as created by Pippa, who is the creative, mama-driving force behind Story of Mum:

For how human it is to make mistakes! (and super-human to admit to them). Yet mothers, in particular, are incredibly hard on themselves. I’m sure that all mothers worry about ‘doing things wrong’ but it’s probably not helped by a society where guilt is an ever-present subconscious human companion — particularly for women who have more of an innate empathic sense of the needs of those around them, and a desire to meet those needs.

And yet how much support do mothers get? It is often said that it takes ‘a village to raise a child’ yet in today’s world we often don’t even know who our neighbours are. So many mothers are doing the intense and time-consuming work of raising a child with little, or no support. Thank goodness for friendly and non-judgemental mother-networks, whether they be in real life or online. Thank goodness for Pippa, and places like Story of Mum (and the NCT, ABM, La Leche League GB…) where a mum can share her worries and doubts, and feel supported by others who have been there and come through the other end.

Old-fashioned it may be, but I like to think of myself as a philosopher (to be precise I think of myself as a philosopher-poet!) for since I became a mother, I don’t think I’ve ever done as much thinking, or reflecting as ever before in my life.

“Because philosophy arises from awe, a philosopher is bound in his way to be a lover of myths and poetic fables. Poets and philosophers are alike in being big with wonder.”
St Thomas Aquinas

Since becoming a mother I have certainly been ‘big with wonder’ – I am in awe of my children who love with such innocence and intensity. I am in awe of their great capacity for forgiving their parents – particularly when their parents have enough honesty to say ‘I’m sorry, I made a mistake.’ (And oh yes, I’ve been there, and received the biggest hugs ever when I’ve apologized to my children for making a mistake.)

I am in awe of my children’s ability to really see things, to be alive to the moment; to not have any fear when trying their hand at creative stuff – unimpeded by ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘I’m no good at this’ type of pre-conceived ideas we have as adults. I love that my daughter can instantly paint a picture of me, without hesitation or restraint, whereas I struggle to paint a picture of her because I am fearful of making a mistake; of it not being ‘good enough’.

As well as all this, I am also in awe of the great power contained in mothers’ bodies — for the ability to conceive and bear a child, to go through the marathon-like work of labour, and then to produce milk that is unique – and perfect – for their child IS pretty amazing. And then to summon the energy to do a 24-hour job day after day after day (sometimes on little or no sleep!) and still have a heart full of love and patience to keep going is pretty amazing.

So whichever word (or words) that a mother chooses to add to:
‘I’m a mother and a ___________’

the words ‘and amazing’ really should be added as a postscript.


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‘The Mother-Burden’ or ‘Love & Fear’

Some reflections on the birth of a mother, and what it means to be a mother… by Teika Bellamy

The other day (22/07/2013) my mum called me late in the evening and left a message on my answerphone, “a boy has been born…”. Now I admit I’m not the most news-aware person in the world but even I knew what she was talking about. (My mum, bless her generous heart, is a big fan of the Royals and gifted the Duchess of Cambridge with a copy of Musings on Mothering a while back, but that’s another story…!)

Anyway, I was glad to hear that the Duchess of Cambridge’s son had safely arrived in the world, and as I went to bed that night I couldn’t help but wonder how the new mother (indeed, every new-born mother) was feeling. I looked back to the night, about six years ago, when I gave birth to my own first baby and the strong emotions I experienced after the birth.

I was in hospital and recovering from a post-partum haemorrhage and second-degree tear to my perineum. I was sore but happy; hungry and tired. It was good to have my husband around; it was good to finally meet my baby and hold her in my arms.

The first time I put my daughter to my breast I felt as though I had reached the culmination of womanhood; my womb and placenta had provided for her for the first nine months of her being, now my breasts and arms would continue to keep her well fed and safe.

However, when my husband had to leave the hospital, and it was just my daughter and I together, I couldn’t help but feel a little worried. It was just the two of us now – would we be okay?

I put her in the bedside crib for a moment, bundled in her NHS blanket, and I lay back in my bed and closed my eyes. I wasn’t really expecting to sleep – the lights were still on and there was a lot of background noise in this strange, clinical place, but I was tired. I must have dozed a little, because I very clearly remember being jolted awake and immediately, instinctively, looking to my baby. She appeared to be completely still, not breathing, and my heart almost burst with fear. My hands flew to her chest to find her heartbeat, to make sure that her chest was still moving up and down, and when I knew that she was okay – simply asleep and peaceful – I cried. This was the moment I really knew what it was to be a mother: for the rest of my life I would know joy, pure, wonderful joy in being a mother to my children, but also the fear, the very primal fear of knowing that something might happen to them.

Mothers throughout the world live with these two powerful emotions every day. We long to make sure that our children are well fed and safe, and sometimes, in the early days our fears for their safety may seem overwhelming. Certainly, our anxieties about them being well fed are common, particularly in the west. It can be of great solace to a breastfeeding mother to meet with other breastfeeding mothers to discuss weight gain concerns in the early days. Speaking with a counsellor from a breastfeeding support charity like La Leche League can be invaluable too, especially for a mother who needs some reassurance and good information about how often to feed in the early days and weeks.

I still remember how it took many months, years even, for my fear for my daughter’s safety to ease off. Even now, I like to go to my children’s beds and stroke their heads when they’re fast asleep. It’s an extra way for me to re-connect with them – to again check that they’re okay – when we’ve been extra busy during the day.

Obviously, as our children get older our fears for their safety lessen, although of course they can be replaced by other, new and perhaps more complicated fears.

Just the other day, I lost sight of both my children in the school playground. I thought perhaps they’d walked home together already (we only live about a minute’s walk away from the school) so I rushed out of the school gates and down the road to find them… but they weren’t there. I ran back to the school (ultra-aware that I was the only parent there without a child – my heart almost bursting with fear again) and then I spotted them. Tears came to my eyes as relief at finding them washed over me.

This is the mother-burden: the fear that allies itself with joy, and no amount of money, possessions or status can remove it from a mother’s heart. Yet this is what it is to be human: to know our own mortality. Sometimes our fears are irrational, sometimes they are very real and rational; they are nearly always a useful way to connect with our inner voice, which can swiftly impel us to make necessary adjustments to our everyday lives so that fear can be avoided for future scenarios.

It would certainly be less of a burden to not feel fear for and on our children’s behalf, yet let us not forget that fear is a powerful – and sometimes urgent – reminder of how much we love and value our children. And I firmly believe that our ability to love unconditionally is our strength.


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Mums Can’t Win – A Father’s Reflections

As it’s Fathers’ Day I’m publishing a dad’s perspective on mothering in today’s post. This article was first published in the La Leche League Members’ magazine Breastfeeding Matters (May/June 2013 issue) and although I’m biased (it’s by a certain Tom Bellamy!) I hope you’ll agree it’s worth taking a few minutes out of your day to read.


Mums Can’t Win

by Tom Bellamy

Becoming a father for the first time creates a whole raft of new emotions and experiences and ideas, but for me there has been one realization that is more depressing than the sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, or soiled nappies, and it’s this: Mums can’t win.

I have to admit, before the birth of my daughter, I had given very little thought to the manner in which children should be raised. Beyond a vague sense that breastfeeding is obviously better than a bottle – you know, for a few months or so; perhaps till they have teeth? – I had no strong opinions about issues such as sleep training, babywearing or cloth nappies. After the birth of my daughter, I very quickly realized that the rest of the world has very strong opinions.

My wife and I made some plans before the birth: decorating a nursery, and borrowing a Moses basket, and generally going through the naïve motions of parents that expected their child to meet their expectations. And then our daughter arrived and showed us what we were doing wrong. She wouldn’t sleep in her cot. No matter how many nights of cajoling, soothing, and strategizing we attempted (I even had a plan on a clipboard at one point), she just refused. I remember a turning point when, exhausted and upset, my wife and daughter fell asleep together while breastfeeding, and we all slept until morning. The next day, I took our bed apart, wrestled the divan into the garage, laid the mattress on the floor, made it safe for co-sleeping, and we haven’t looked back. To make it clear: this was never my plan, but we were willing to adapt to our daughter’s needs, and the benefits of getting her to sleep alone did not seem important enough to force her to do it. We knew other families who made the opposite choice, and sleep-trained through cry-it-out, just as a GP had advised us. It worked for them, but it didn’t work for us, and that was the point at which I realized that Mums can’t win. No matter what choice they make, other people won’t respect it.

It strikes me now that there is literally no set of choices that a mother can make which will receive universal praise, or even acceptance. For every mother that chooses to breastfeed, there are others calling them the “breastapo”. For every mother that chooses to bottle feed, there are health professionals chiding them (but offering curiously little breastfeeding support). For every mother struggling with sleepless nights, there are friends and family full of bright ideas that worked for them. The saddest thing, though – the most pernicious problem – is that politely declining the advice is taken by the contributor as a criticism of their own choices.

“I let mine cry it out, and after a few days everything was fine.”

“I don’t think that will work for us…”

“Well I’m only trying to help! You’re making a rod for your own back!”

As a Dad, I seem strangely blameless for the choices we make as a family in the eyes of the wider world, and so my wife takes all the heat of criticism and condescension when people discover we’ve done things differently from them. I guess parenting is like religion and politics – best avoided in polite conversation – but it does seem a shame that parents can’t be more cooperative and less competitive. Maybe then, by supporting each other more, and ignoring the opinions of the opinionated, Mums can help each other win their own personal battles.

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My first GIVEAWAY! (And it’s my birthday…)

THIS GIVEAWAY COMPETITION HAS NOW CLOSED

So it’s my birthday today, hooray! And, I think it’s Mother’s Milk Books’s second birthday this month too (I’ll have to check on that one though! – it’ll involve going through my diary to figure out when exactly I laid the foundations for the press, hmm…). Anyway, in order to celebrate birthdays, daffodils, spring and the coming of warmer weather I’ve got a few lovely gifts to give away.

Two mounted – AND SIGNED – prints of the following: ‘Mother, child, daffodils’ by Kathy Grossman, along with ‘The Daffodils’ poem by Marija Smits. Getting Kathy’s autograph on the print was a rather involved process – it came from the printers to me, then over to America and back. It really is a one-off. The other print had hardly any distance to travel, but still, it’s a special poem, which was inspired by Kathy’s stunning art.

The above artwork and poem were first published in Musings on Mothering and have also featured in La Leche League International’s magazine Breastfeeding Today. The editor, Barbara Higham, posted it up on the LLLGB Facebook page Breastfeeding Matters where the daffodils-inspired art and poetry was shared amongst many. You can see it here on the Breastfeeding Matters Facebook page.

Please note that the frames are not included in the giveaway, but the mounted prints fit a standard 8 x 10 inch frame. I bought these two simple, but elegant black frames from the friendly people at BEST4FRAMES.

As well as the prints there are two packs of greetings cards included in the prize – the winner gets to choose between the following four packs of 5 greetings cards.

All of these cards are available to buy from THE MOTHER’S MILK BOOKSHOP and fingers-crossed there’ll be some more prints there soon too. 10% of the profits from the sales of the greetings cards are going to the wonderful charity La Leche League GB.

Free shipping – to anywhere in the world – is included in the value of this prize.

How to enter:

There are a few different ways to enter. Each method (given that you leave a separate comment for each method completed) will count as a different entry, so the more you do, the more chances you have to win.

Leave a comment on this post telling me what you think about the above greetings cards. Beautiful? Useful? You can always do with more cards?!

Tweet the following phrase – I’d love to win the signed prints and 10 greetings cards from @MothersMilkBks #competition http://bit.ly/129ElVk  – and leave a comment saying you have done so.

Like Mother’s Milk Books on Facebook, leave a comment saying you have done so.

Follow @MothersMilkBks on Twitter, leave a comment saying you’ve done so with your Twitter username.

Follow the Mother’s Milk Books blog by entering your email address in the ‘subscribe’ box, leaving a comment saying you’ve done so.

The competition will close on Sunday 26th May 2013 at 12.00 noon, GMT.

Terms and conditions:

This competition is open to all.

Mother’s Milk Books will not be liable for applications not received, incomplete, or delayed.

All correct entries received by this date will be entered into a prize draw and the winner will be chosen randomly.

The winner will be notified on this blog and be contacted within five days.

The winning entry will receive the prize as stated on the blog post. There is no cash alternative, no returns or refunds. Frames are not included as part of the prize.

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My story on the Awakened Parent

I was delighted to be able to write this post for Clare Kirkpatrick over on ‘The Awakened Parent’, which is a great site. It’s full of inspiring mothers’ stories and interesting posts about parenting instinctively.

I love the photo that I added too; it captures a very special, yet every day mothering moment. And it’s all these special moments that make mothering so wonderful.

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We’re supporting our local post office!

As with so many villages and small towns in the UK, our post office is regularly threatened with closure because it’s not meeting with enough of its ‘targets’. For someone like me, a mum with two littlies and no second car, a local post office that I can walk to is invaluable. So we’re supporting our local post office by sending out books (most days) come rain or shine… The super-slick distribution service that is Mother’s Milk Books is powered by my legs, and the buggy wheels…! We go out in most weathers, and if the weather’s fine we stop off at the playground afterwards. Now how many other book distributors do that?